Bad Fiction ~ Fight! Santa Klaus vs Krampus

Just something for fun since I saw NU had a writing prompts post and I’ve had mostly text synopses posting… #prompt_is_at_the_bottom

—–

Look left, there’s a reindeer.

…???

Look right, the same thing  – if one looked closer, it was nothing but a muscled man with a reindeer head.

…Why a reindeer head??

Shen Meng looked down, a grayish fluff touched her chiseled chest when she brought her chin down and well-toned arms appeared in her vision. When did I get muscles?

THUD KLANK

“SAN-TA KLAUS! Have you heard the plan?!”

Heat blossomed on Shen Meng’s face in embarrassment and her chin began to itch. She lifted her hand to itch and felt hair. Ignoring that, she lifted her eyes to see who was giving her attitude.

Seated at the other end of the long table was a young…boy???…with creases deeply embedded in his forehead. Who can be stressing you out so much at such a young age? His hands planted in what could definitely be an intimidating manner on the table if he wasn’t using the chair to make himself taller. Definitely a boy ah.

With a smile that made people want to smack her, Shen Meng spoke, “What do we need a plan for? Improv is better.”


“Santa, you just have to listen. Improvising is unnecessary. Krampus is a difficult opponent but that’s only because he turns the children he kidnaps into zombie minions. Although I have been a little bit of a bad boy this year, I have no plans to join his undead crew. Of course, you will be getting something out of this too as I swear to be a good boy next year.”

Shen Meng ho-ho-hoed, “Lead the way then, little man.”

The boy hopped down from the chair and walked towards the door of the dining room. As soon as Shen Meng stood up, the muscled reindeer men stood up immediately. A slightly rotten smell wafted to his nose but she ignored that to spare a glance towards the unmoving family members of the boy. The same blond hair, forearms all placed on the arms of the chair, unnaturally hunched over the table. Shen Meng noticed a fallen spoon under one of the chairs before turning to exit through the door. Such an interesting boy.

The hallway had no candles but the five tall ceiling-to-floor windows let in alot of moonlight. Shen Meng snuck a peek out of the first window. Only an expanse of white could be seen. If Shen Meng squinted enough, the tips of a forest could be seen. I would definitely die if pushed out of one of these windows at this height.

The boy walked down some more hallways, the temperature dropped and there were no more windows to let light in. Shen Meng pulled Santa Claus’ cloak tighter. Right as Shen Meng was about to ask if the boy needed light, he spoke, “We’re here.”

“What are we here for?”

“Just a little surprise to make it more difficult for Krampus.”

With a sweet almost angelic smile, the boy whipped out a key with ornamental woodwork and inserted it into the lock.

DONG

A clock sound from somewhere shook the walls and Shen Meng looked away just for a second.

GRAAR

A reindeer man pulled on Santa’s arm. Shen Meng turned back her head and saw the reindeer men pull out guns. Shooting towards the door, they backed up towards the stairs.

“Grab that boy!”

The zombies ran towards them, blocking their way to the hastily escaping boy. Shen Meng hurried up the stairs, calling back over her shoulder, “Shoot the head!”

She continued to run without them until she was back upstairs. Passing through the moonlit hallway, she once again arrived at the dining room. Everything was still in the same place. She pulled back one of the chairs and the person seated fell forward unhindered. Their head hit onto the bowl on the table and the liquid dribbled down the edge as the corpse fell to the floor. Froth was at the corner of the corpse’s mouth. Shen Meng eyed the cold bowls of soup that had been abandoned on the table. Ok, I just need some silver to check whether I am right. He spied a silver family portrait frame on the wall above the China cabinet. Pulling over a chair, Shen Meng balanced one of Santa’s big booted feet ontop of the China cabinet and reached up for the picture.

The cabinet leaned away from the wall a little and the plates inside clinkered but Shen Meng continued to push up on the picture. The cabinet continued leaning and Shen Meng used all of her finger power. Then, she felt it unhook and suddenly all of the weight was on her hands.

“Oof.” These muscles are pretty sturdy ah.

Slowly, she balanced on one foot, bringing her other foot down from the cabinet to put it down on the floor.

Mind you, this was a pretty big painting so this action was immediately a recipe for a noisy disaster.

The door clicked open as the muscled reindeer men tried to sneak in. Perfectly, as Santa put his foot on the ground, the corner of the painting hit the already leaning cabinet. The cabinet with a creak continued to separate from the wall. Lifting up a foot to try to stop it, Shen Meng only succeeded in breaking the glass on the side of the cabinet as it crashed down. The dishes fell against the glass breaking into pieces loudly and the cabinet finally fell with a loud CRUNCH on the wooden floor. Shen Meng looked at the cabinet, the reindeer men looked at Santa, and the zombies that had originally lost their targets immediately started running towards the source of the noise. Abandoning their sneaky manner, the reindeer men hurried into the room, slamming the heavy ornate door down on some flailing zombie arms.

“SANTA, you have to escape!”

A deep gruff voice came out of the closest reindeer men. His voice is kinda nice sounding ah.

The man quickly hurried over to the window to look out. “There’s a ledge outside.”

Pulling a chair over without caring for the corpse originally sitting in it, he quickly unlatched the window. A blast of snow-filled cold air blew into the room.

“SANTA, we have to go!”

“Hold up, I need to check something.” Shen Meng slowly lifted the frame over to the table, “Help me dip this in the soup.”

If the reindeer mask could show expressions, the man would have looked at Shen Meng like she was crazy but he quickly hurried over to help.

Fortunately, she was right and the frame edge became black after being dipped in the soup.

“Ok, let’s go now.” Knowing there was bound to be spillage, Shen Meng grabbed the fullest bowl on the table. She quickly slung her leg out the window and as she tried to put her foot down, nearly slipped causing a few drops to splash onto her red gown. It should have created a dark stain but the gown absorbed it as if she had never spilled anything.

“HURRY!”

Shen Meng stopped wondering and slung her other leg out the window. She extended her arm to hold onto the cold window, tucking her soup under her arm, as her face was blasted by cold wind so much that she had to close her eyes. Okay, I’m going to stand up in 1…2…3

Shen Meng thrust her waist up and hoisted herself into a standing position on the ledge. She slowly shuffled forward, her hand running along the wall as she heard a noise from within the room. Boots thudded and she tried to shuffle a little faster. She heard zombie growls and glanced back briefly just in time to see a reindeer man being bitten by a zombie as they fell over the edge. Okay, just look forward, no looking down, no looking back, every man for himself ah. *shuffles faster*

After making it halfway around the dining room, it was time to go past the hallway. With a deadpan face, Shen Meng wondered, Can I just die right now?

Taking a deep breath, she shuffled along. The glass creaked, the wood holding everything together as the zombies converged on the windows. Shen Meng shuffled faster.

SHA SHA Shen Meng felt some coldness at the back of her neck but she didn’t look back. The screams of the reindeer men behind her disappeared with the wind. However, she wasn’t safe either, the ledge came to a stop halfway before the last and broken window of the hallway and the window of the next room.

Shen Meng sighed before looking back. Two reindeer men hung on the ledge between the original window and the first broken hallway window not daring to move and no more zombies were hanging out the windows.

Slowly, she shuffled back to the broken window. Taking a deep breath, she peeked inside. Nothing leaped at her. She placed one of her heavy boots inside, crouched her head, and then the other boot. She glanced left and right. Walking slowly to minimize the noise, she continued to creep down the hallway back to the door the boy first opened. Still no zombies.

Okay, let me close this door, prevent the zombie apocalypse…even though this isn’t real.

Shen Meng paused, this isn’t real. This isn’t real.

She smiled evilly as she continued to close this door, of course this isn’t real. I would never be Santa Claus.

On the back of the door was a mirror. Shen Meng looked at the body in the mirror. Salt-gray hair on the head and chin, sharp eyebrows, large cute but wise eyes, chiseled chest and arms, a blood-red suit that clung to all his edges like a military suit, and heavy black combat boots. In this image, only the smile was out of place. Let’s change it up a bit. The roots of the salt gray hair became black falling to chin length. The thick obsidian horns that curved in a lightning shape grew out of her hair. Small eyebrows that covered dangerous silver phoenix eyes, cheeks rounded by baby fat, and the chin hair dispersed as if it had never existed. She lifted the hood of the blood red cape to cover her head and holes for her horns perfectly appeared. The blood-red suit became looser, hanging from her shoulders. She tightened a holly belt finishing off the hanfu style that hugged her curves. The boots are kinda cute…and because this isn’t real, I don’t even have to look for this boy anymore.

Smiling to herself, she said aloud in her best horror movie villain voice, “I know where you are hiding.”

At the end of the hallway was another door, hidden away so well on the right wall that if one had turned towards the stairs on the left they might have missed it. Walking as slowly as possible to generate dragging sound effects, Shen Meng stopped before the door and reached her hand for the doorknob. Oh wait, there’s a way to make this even scarier.

She put the bowl in front of the door but with enough space so the door could open unhindered. She imagined herself herself standing behind the boy inside the closet as the door opened by itself.

CREAK

The boy scrambled backwards as the door opened slowly until his back met something soft. Suddenly, something wrapped around him and he felt a cold breath on his ear.

Shen Meng imagined her voice as scary as possible before speaking, “KrAmPuS tHaNkS yOu FoR yOuR sUrPrIsE!”

The boy fainted and started foaming at the mouth. Shen Meng stood up to avoid the liquids leaking. The walls shook and the castle upon the mountain fell away piece by piece as the dreamworld began to fall apart. The howling wind hit her skin painlessly. Shen Meng pouted, I haven’t even had all my fun yet.

She raised her hands and the dreamcatcher tattoo on her back began to glow through her clothes. Look like a bedroom and she waved her hands. The falling pieces of wood flew back up and folded up into a bedroom. A window covered in blue airplane curtains hung above a radiator. Next to it was a light brown night table with a lamp. Beyond that was a cozy looking bed covered in a blue fuzzy sheet. Shen Meng threw the boy in bed, tucking him in. She withdrew into the dark part of the room.

1

2

3

The boy jolted to sit up in his bed before looking around anxiously. Taking a few rushed breaths, he turned to turn on his lamp. When the lamp came on, the light fell on the bowl on the nightstand. Within the bowl was a note: [Don’t worry, Santa Claus isn’t real and neither am I :)]

—–

深梦 – Shen Meng – Deep dream

@andykhang’s: “Time to Take God Out of Heaven:” Write a story with this phrase as centerpiece and point of the story. #uh_I_dreamt_about_the_prompt_but_then_I_forgot_after_waking_up #my_dream_wrote_it_perfectly_but_I_cant_get_the_words_right #buut_I_did_follow_the_guidelines_as_close_as_possible #2138_words

@BlobTranslations’ guidelines: Short stories should be 500-7500 words long. They should be your original work, and they should be complete. This means that they have a full beginning, middle, and end. Anyone reading your short story should be able to understand it without prior knowledge of the setting, universe, etc.

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